


The Visit

by ReaderLol



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alpha Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Bisexual Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Bisexuality, Bottom Karl Jacobs, Choking, Confessions, Crushes, Daddy Issues, Drunken Confessions, Eventual Smut, Florida, M/M, Slow Burn, Top Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:42:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29509197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReaderLol/pseuds/ReaderLol
Summary: Sapnap has a little thing for Karl. And when they meet in person, Sapnap realizes he is hopelessly in love with him, and decides to try to figure out if Karl feels the same way. But because of one drunken night, all of their feelings come to light...
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 29
Kudos: 154
Collections: My favorite karlnap fics!





	1. Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fanfiction, so please give me whatever notes you want. I intend to write smut later, but I wanna do a little more research so the first few chapters won't have any of that. Obviously, if any of the CCs ever said they were uncomfortable with this, I would take it down. I will try to update this a few times a week, and give me any plot points you want and I can try to add them in! Also know that this is a Karlnap fanfiction, and any of the relationship stated above besides theirs won't be in detail in my writing, but will be mentioned. And yeah, any feedback is super helpful, so comment away.

Four days.

  
That was it. 

  
That was how long he had to wait. 

  
For the moment he had dreamed of, thought of non-stop from the moment he meant _him._

  
Sapnap could not contain his excitement to see his friend for the first time in person. He had woken up today, giddy like a little girl. When he got dressed or ate breakfast, he thought of seeing him. What he would say, what he would do. Overthinking everything. He wanted everything to be perfect. Because, well, he had dreamed of this moment since their first meeting. He was sitting in his living room, scrolling through Twitter when he saw a new tweet from him that made Sapnap’s heart glow. Sapnap was not a very emotional or romantic person, but this man was an exception. He clicked on it, and it was a response to a tweet from BadBoyHalo, saying how excited he was to see everyone. “Four Days!! So excited to see you all!” Karl had tweeted, and Sapnap felt his heart skip a beat at just those small words.

  
_Fuck,_ he thought.

  
Karl really had done a number on him.

  
He didn’t use to overthink like this, most of the time he didn’t even think about the conversations he had with his friends. They were so natural. But with Karl? Sapnap blushed at just the thought of him. 

  
It didn’t use to be like this. 

  
When Karl and Sapnap first met, their conversations were so natural. Although even when they met, Sapnap couldn’t deny his attraction to him. It was his “bisexual awakening”, although he obviously never told Karl that. Sapnap had come out as bisexual two months ago, and everyone had been so supportive. But Karl was the one who he told first, and Karl had offered all of his support and had told him how proud he was of him coming out. It was Karl that made his feel strong enough to tell the whole world. But the part that he left out to both the internet and Karl, was that Karl was the one who had really turned him since he had never found himself sexually attracted to a man before. But, oh how that changed when he and Karl first started really hanging out. He was not only attracted to Karl physically, but also fell in love with the way he talked, smiled, laughed, or really did everything and anything.

  
And now they were going to meet. 

  
He was going to meet this gorgeous creature who he couldn’t go an hour without thinking about, IN PERSON.

  
Sapnap was so lost in thought, he bumped into the side of his kitchen table as he went to get up, and howled in pain, causing a large laugh from his roommate. 

“Did you just run into a table?” Dream forced out through muffled tea kettle-like giggles.

  
“No. Well yes…fuck you!” Sapnap growled as Dream continued to laugh in the background. 

  
He wasn’t going to admit what he was thinking about. Dream knew how excited he was to see everyone but he didn’t think that Dream knew that Karl was the one he really wanted to see. Nobody really knew about his (not so) little crush, and he wanted to keep it that way. 

  
Dream and him had invited their friends to their home for two weeks since they had been planning to do so ever since COVID-19 ended. But he knew the real reason that Dream had been so eager to set up the meet as soon as possible was that Dream wanted to see George again. It was pretty obvious that both Dream and George had things for each other, and he knew that they would probably spend most of their time together. Sapnap and Dream had met up with George previously a few months prior, and it had been so fun. He hadn’t gotten to spend very much one on one time with George, but how could he be upset at Dream when all he wanted to do this time was spend one on one time with Karl. Sapnap suspected that Dream knew about his little thing for Karl since he had walked in on Sapnap looking at Karl’s Instagram many times, but Sapnap’s thing for Karl, and Dream’s thing for George just kind of went unspoken.

  
He figured that would probably change in a few days.

  
Sapnap had been trying to figure out if his feelings for Karl were mutual or not. He was so terrified that if he made a move, Karl would reject him and it would ruin their friendship. Not to mention it would leave Sapnap heartbroken. But Sapnap had decided he was going to try to figure it out when he arrived. And if he thought Karl was interested, he was going to try to make a move. Sapnap smiled at just the thought. He knew it wouldn’t be just him and Karl, though, so he knew it would be slightly more challenging to put his plan into action. He knew George and Dream would keep each other busy, but he worried about BadBoyHalo and Quackity, as they were also joining him and Dream in Florida. He wanted to spend time with them, sure, but he knew the real reason he was so excited was Karl, and he longed for time alone with Karl.

  
Sapnap shook himself from his thoughts and tried to carry on his day without thoughts of Karl. Of course, he was unsuccessful. He thought about texting Karl, maybe asking to play a game, but the nervous butterflies in his stomach tossed and turned at just the thought. He had never had these butterflies before. It was a strange feeling, but Sapnap knew that he kind of liked it. He was going back and forth on the idea when he got a Discord message from George:

  
_Wanna play Bedwars?_

  
_Who’s playing?_ He responded since he really had no desire to third-wheel Dream and George. They were even more flirty and insufferable now than ever, for no discernible reason.  
_Me, Dream, and Purpled. I'm playing with Purpled, so you can play with Dream._

  
_You’re not playing with Dream?_ Sapnap wondered if something had happened, because even though he hated to admit it, he kind of shipped dreamnotfound, even though he would never say that. 

  
_No haha, we’re competing so I got the best Bedwars player to play with me. Wanna play or not?_

  
_Sure_. Neither him nor Dream were great at Bedwars, so he was pretty sure George and Purpled would win but decided to entertain the idea to try to get his mind off his thoughts.

  
It still did not work. However, his prediction was correct and him and Dream were eliminated early on since he was barely able to think about his plays. Purpled and George won, although he was pretty sure George didn’t do any of the work, and that it was just Purpled who really did the winning. 

  
He and his friends chatted for a bit afterwards, with Bad and Quackity joining as well. He also realized just how excited he was to see all of his other friends too, and for just a moment, it took his mind off of Karl. Eventually, he logged off and it was just Bad and Quackity left in the discord. Sapnap ordered some pizza for him and Dream and they chatted about things they could do to entertain their friends while in Florida. They eventually decided on DisneyWorld, and a few other touristy places to take them at first and decided to go from there. 

  
Eventually, Dream headed to sleep, and Sapnap settled down to watch some anime. Dream had told him repeatedly he didn’t want to watch with him, so Sapnap was forced to watch by himself. Sapnap wondered if Karl would watch with him, but the moment the thought entered his brain he pushed it out. He didn’t want to be any more awkward around Karl when they meet, since he was hoping to come off as charming enough for Karl to want to maybe go out with him. And he knew these thoughts would make him even more nervous to see Karl. 

  
About thirty minutes later, Sapnap got a text from Karl. He had never scrambled to open his texts faster, and he felt slightly embarrassed about his reaction to a normal text from one of his best friends.

  
_Hey Sapnap! I’m so excited to visit Florida and see you all. Just wondering what I should bring. Is it going to be hot? And are we going to go swimming? Should I bring sweaters? I have a million more questions._ Karl had typed.

  
Sapnap laughed and felt the butterflies in his stomach go crazy. He didn’t even try to calm his nerves. Something about the way Karl had written those simple words made Sapnap’s face flush pink. He could picture Karl saying them with a huge smile on his face, and just the mere thought of Karl made Sapnap’s whole body warm. 

  
_Yes, it’s Florida so it’s going to be very hot. And yes we are probably going to go swimming, so you should bring a bathing suit._

  
Sapnap didn’t allow himself the thought of Karl in a bathing suit because he knew thinking about it would make him even more nervous, and he really, really didn’t need that.

  
He impulsively typed _and bring as many of your pastel sweaters as you want. You look adorable in them…_ but quickly realized that was way too far and deleted the message, silently cursing at himself for allowing this to happen. A few months ago this wouldn’t have happened, but Karl’s personality just had to be perfect, and he just had to be so comforting and warm and handsome and…damn you, Karl!

  
Karl responded in seconds. _Okay, cool! I still have tons of questions, but I’ll just ask Dream since they are more about Florida in general and he’s from there and I don’t want to annoy you with too many questions haha._

  
Sapnap wanted to say that nothing Karl ever did was annoying to him in any way, but he didn’t want to scare him since he knew he would probably come on a little strong.

  
Instead, he responded with a simple okay cool. I'm always happy to answer your questions, but I think Dream probably knows more about Florida. He thought it was a middle ground, a bit of a flirt, but not coming on too strong.

  
Karl responded with a smiley face and a thumbs-up, and Sapnap was left with a huge grin on his face. 

  
And despite his efforts, Sapnap fell asleep with solely the image of Karl on his mind.

  
But what Sapnap didn’t know was that the stars were starting to align for him and Karl. 

  
Because when Sapnap awoke, it was to a text from Karl.

A text that he would stare at for hours and cause him think of any possible reason for why Karl would send the text.

A text that made Sapnap’s entire body ignite from just ten small words. Ten words that Sapnap would think about constantly.

A text that made him think Karl maybe wanted him, too.


	2. Text Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap gets a surprising text from Karl, one that leaves him speechless. He is left trying to figure out the meaning behind it, as well as figure out his own feelings towards his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg thank you guys so much for over 200 reads in less than a day on my first story! That is crazy! I appreciate all the support so much, and I hope you guys enjoy this story as much as I do. Again, feel free to leave any suggestions in the comments, I love reading what you guys think. Anyway, enjoy! <3

Sapnap mouth dropped as he opened up his messages with Karl. His eyes quickly scanned over the text, and he flung his phone across the room on impulse as soon as he caught a glimpse of what the text said. Sapnap grabbed his phone from the other side of the room and shakily opened up the message once more to see the entirety of it, his reaction a mix of shock and delight.

  
_So this might be a weird question…but how did you know you were bisexual?_ The text read.

  
Sapnap’s heart was beating so fast he felt like he was going to explode. Only once he had slightly calmed down, he started really thinking. _Is Karl bisexual? Is he into men like me? Would he be open to having a relationship with one?_ And the number one question on Sapnap’s mind: _Did I have anything to do with it? Does he maybe have feelings for me?_ Sapnap had his hand over his mouth, fearing if he let go he would scream. It felt like a dream to Sapnap, who had been hoping for months and months that Karl had feelings for him as well. He knew Karl had dabbled in thinking he was asexual but had never said anything about any interest in men. And now, he had.

  
It was only sometime later that Sapnap realized Karl could have not been talking about him, and when he entertained this thought his face fell. Him and Karl often flirted on stream, but he knew it was just for fun, and not because Karl had actual feelings for him. Or did he? Sapnap never admitted how much he enjoyed the flirting, maybe Karl was the same way. And now this text?

  
Damn, Karl was toying with his heart without even knowing.

After over an hour of Sapnap stressing over what the fuck Karl could have possibly meant by that text, he realized he hadn’t even responded. He had just left Karl on read for over an hour, who was rightfully confused and had sent him some follow-up texts:

  
_Sapnap?_

  
_Hello??_

  
_Did I do something wrong?_

  
_No,_ Sapnap wanted to say. _Nothing you do is anything but perfect to me. But I need to know if you feel the same. Because I’ll never be able to look at you the way I used to. As just a friend._  
But he couldn’t.

  
He knew he needed to wait.

  
He couldn’t do this over text.

  
It needed to be face-to-face.

He carefully planned a better response for Karl. One that was supportive, but not flirty or forward. No, he had to wait for that. 

  
However, he worried that when he saw Karl, his feelings would spill out. He wouldn’t be able to contain himself. But, no, he told himself there was no way the encounter would even live up to his unreasonable expectations. He had planned this day for so long there is no way it would be what he has dreamed of. How could it be? He could barely think about Karl without blushing and getting those goddamn butterflies in his stomach. That was bound to make their interactions at least somewhat awkward. 

  
He looked at what he had typed as a response to Karl’s question and deemed it acceptable to send.

  
_I guess I just kind of realized I had had feelings for men before_.

  
In the past. Not now. Definitely not for you. Oh, who am I kidding, he thought, I’m obsessed with you.

  
It took Karl a little longer to respond this time, and the entire time Sapnap worried if Karl was on to him. Of course, he wanted Karl to find out eventually since he had…well…plans for them in the future, but he couldn’t do this online. 

Karl eventually responded with a simple _oh, okay._

  
He then added a _Just curious y’know._

  
Sapnap was pretty sure that was false.

  
Since Sapnap had been woken at close to 8 am by Karl’s text, he hadn’t realized he had been stressing for hours until he saw Dream eating at their kitchen table. 

  
Three days now.

  
Sapnap sighed, and quickly ate lunch with Dream, silently stressing about seeing Karl the entire time. He knew he needed to stream today since he hadn’t in over five days, and he didn’t want anyone to think anything is up. 

  
So, he hopped on the Dream SMP and started his stream, answering some questions from the chat as he ran around in the world trying to gather more wood for the library he was building.   
Quackity joined a few minutes into Sapnap’s stream, and the two chatted and made jokes as they gathered wood. It actually got his mind off of Karl. 

  
Well, until Karl himself joined them. 

  
“Hey, guys!” Karl’s singsong-like voice filled their call, and Sapnap was internally grateful the stream couldn’t see his face turn bright red at just the sound of his voice.

  
“Hey, Sapnap and I are getting wood. Wanna help?” Quackity responded while he quickly murdered a chicken in front of him for no apparent reason. 

  
“Okay, sure,” Karl responded, “What’d that chicken do to you?” The sound of his laugh deepened Sapnap’s blush, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get any words out, even if he tried.

  
Quackity cackled, and the three of them started collecting logs, even though Sapnap still hadn’t said a word since Karl had joined. 

  
He was mesmerized by every move Karl’s character made. Somehow he thought Karl’s character jumping into water was hot. _God,_ this is ridiculous, he thought. Sapnap was extremely worried about what would happen when he met Karl, and the only comfort he got was knowing that Quackity could easily break any tension, and maybe that way he could keep it together in the presence of his other friends.

  
He was pulled from his thoughts when Karl approached him in-game, crouching repeatedly in front of him. 

  
“Sapnap, can you go get some jungle wood? Me and Quackity are going to get the birch wood since we need both,” Karl asked energetically.

  
“Sure!” He responded, pretty overenthusiastic since he was just getting wood, but he loved feeling needed and wanted by Karl. Even if it was just Karl wanting him to gather some wood.

  
“Great, okay. We need…maybe three stacks? Maybe get a little more in case,” Karl replied as he walked towards the birch forest with Quackity.

  
“Okay,” Sapnap mumbled quietly, secretly wishing he could have gathered the wood with Karl. But he knew if he asked to go with them, he would no doubt be too nervous to talk much anyway.   
So, he headed to the jungle which was actually quite far away. All he could think about as he was playing was the impending date of his and Karl’s meeting. And everyone else, but at this point, he had mostly forgotten there were other people coming to Florida as well. 

  
Sapnap gathered the logs as quickly as he could, determined to do whatever he could do to help Karl. He used the vines on the jungle trees to get up high on the trees and was able to easily gather wood this way. And so in barely ten minutes, he had five stacks of jungle wood and was satisfied. He headed back to their construction site for the library and saw Karl and Quackity already building with the birch wood they had gotten. 

  
Sapnap had completely forgotten he was streaming, and really hadn’t said anything to his stream in several minutes, so he quickly thanked a few people for donating and answered a few of his donors’ questions. He handed the wood to Karl and asked if this was a sufficient amount.

  
“Yep, great! Thanks, Sapnap! I know the jungle was really far away, sorry we made you walk that far to get it,” Karl’s Minecraft character turned to give Sapnap a quick kiss and Sapnap felt his entire body grow warm.

  
Arousal.

  
Well, that escalated quickly, Sapnap thought to himself.

  
Sapnap knew this wasn’t just a little crush anymore.

  
He worried he was totally head-over-heels in love with Karl.

  
But not only that.

  
He wanted to do bad things with Karl.

  
Do bad things to Karl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter will have some more action. The first couple of chapters will probably be the least interesting since I have to set the stage, but Karl and Sapnap will meet at the end of the next chapter! I promise. :) Also just want to say the italics are used to symbolize both texts and some of Sapnap's thoughts, and you should be able to easily tell which is which from context. Some of the thoughts just kind of make sense to me in italics, but let me know if it's confusing and I can fix it. I welcome any feedback. :)


	3. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haunted by his own thoughts, Sapnap struggles with what Karl will think once he tells him of his feelings and imagines futures with and without Karl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So excited to be writing again! I have been having a ton of tests since my finals week is next week and I've been studying a ton, so sorry for the delay but hopefully you like this chapter! It's a long one haha, since I wanted to keep my promise from last week. However, do be warned, there are some mature themes in this chapter, such as mentions of suicide and blood. The rest of the chapters shouldn't all be this dark, but this one is a little bit deeper than the last ones. Anyways, enjoy!

**TW: Mentions of Suicide and Blood**

Sapnap managed to stutter out something indistinguishable as a response, but Karl seemed not to notice and resumed building, leaving Sapnap to try to understand what the fuck just happened. He clearly had extreme feelings for Karl, that was obvious. But he hadn’t had real sexual feelings for Karl before, leaving him to believe he was just desperate for some physical affection, since Dream still refused to cuddle with him. But no, of course, there was another reason their impending visit would be awkward. Sapnap wanted more than anything to just get rid of these feelings, but no matter how much he begged and pleaded with the universe, the feelings still remained, haunting every one of his and Karl’s encounters.

Somehow Sapnap managed to get through the rest of the stream without saying something that would be…well… _forward_ to Karl, even though many people in chat pointed out how stressed he sounded. He was so glad they couldn’t see his face, as he was sure it would have blown his cover. He wasn’t good at covering his feelings and wasn’t sure how George stayed so composed when Dream flirted with him on stream. Karl had only done one little thing, and Sapnap was already a mess.

After saying his goodbyes quickly and shakily to his friends, Sapnap yanked off his headset and groaned. He honestly just wanted to try to sleep his feelings away again, but it was barely three pm and he knew that Dream would know something was up if he went to sleep at three.

Sapnap sat back in his chair, letting his head lay against the wall behind him as he tried desperately to think of something to do that didn’t involve him doing _things_ to Karl.

He decided to open Minecraft again, in an attempt to speed-run. He really didn’t know anything about speed-running, but he knew Dream became extremely focused when it came to it, so he thought maybe it could help him.

It didn’t.

Karl was always just _there_ , in the back of his mind, and Sapnap could practically hear his adorable little giggles every time Sapnap made a dumb mistake. He let his mind slip from the game and imagine a future where Karl would sit right beside him, supporting him. Giving him ideas on where to go, where to mine, maybe help him locate a fortress. He thought of softly kissing Karl’s cheek or forehead after he successfully helped him locate something in the game. He thought of Karl giving him a hug from behind when he got stressed while fighting the ender dragon. Although it did embarrass Sapnap to literally be planning an entire future with Karl, and especially one where they would play Minecraft as a couple together. He knew he was down bad, but this was a new low.

But his mind wasn’t ready to give him a break, as when he stopped thinking about the sweet affection Karl would give him when they played together, he started thinking about the not-so-sweet things Karl would do to him, or more likely the ones he would do to Karl.

Somehow he thought about the manhunts, and he thought about Karl sitting on his lap, distracting him from hunting, but in the best way possible. He longed for the physical interaction, but it was clear it was much more when his brain turned a sweet scene of Karl sitting on Sapnap’s lap while he desperately tried to hunt Dream, into well…Karl supporting him in a _different_ way….from under the table.

The minute the thought entered Sapnap’s mind he quite literally wanted to scream, nearly sobbing with his hands in his hair, pulling forcefully at his roots. Sapnap quickly shut his computer and tried to grasp what the fuck the thought he just had was. Sapnap knew there was absolutely no way to deny this now, and he knew if Karl didn’t feel the same way as he did, their friendship would never be able to recover. He was in too deep, and he knew he would scare Karl, accidently scare away the best thing in his life.

Sapnap couldn’t contain himself anymore, and when the tears started, he couldn’t stop. All he could think about was Karl, how none of this was fair to him, since he just wanted to see his friends and Sapnap was going to meet him and slap him with this _obsession_ he had with him.

Sapnap didn’t know how much time had passed when he heard a knock at his door. He was too upset and exhausted to even try to clean himself up enough for someone to not be able to tell he was crying. At this point, he didn’t even know why he bothered. Dream was bound to find out at some point if he didn’t already know.

“Hey Sap, I'm going to the store. You need anything?” He asked, opening the door, and not even realizing anything was wrong at first.

Sapnap looked up at him with tear-stained eyes, sitting on the floor with his hands tangled in his messy hair.

“Sapnap?” Dream asked cautiously, his voice tainted with concern for his friend.

Sapnap couldn’t get any words out as a response to his friend’s question and just started to sob harder. Dream looked shocked and confused at first, but slowly sat down next to his friend and put his arms around him. Sapnap just cried harder into his friend’s shoulder, who truly had no idea what was happening or what to do.

After a minute or so of Sapnap just sopping on him, Dream mustered out “Want to talk about it?” to which Sapnap violently shook his head to. Dream just let him cry, knowing he couldn’t do much else if his friend wasn’t ready to talk. Sometime later, Sapnap was finally able to pull his head up and wipe his face with the back of an old t-shirt he found laying on his floor nearby.

“You don’t…nee-…need to stay here. I-I’ll be okay,” Sapnap sniffled quietly.

Dream wondered if it was bad to leave his friend in this state, but he knew that Sapnap was an adult and he couldn’t do much to help Sapnap anyway until he was ready to talk, so he quietly got up and grabbed his keys heading towards the door.

He briefly turned back and stared at Sapnap, eyes full of worry, “Sapnap, you know if you ever need me-” he started, but Sapnap interrupted him.

“I’ll call. I know. But really, I’m fine,” he whimpered softly.

Dream knew this was clearly a lie, but turned and left anyway, letting his friend have some time alone to compose himself.

The minute the door closed and Dream was gone, Sapnap quietly laid on his bed, letting himself drift to peaceful sleep, not even caring it was just five pm.

-

Sapnap awoke late that night. He figured Dream must just have let him sleep through dinner. He felt his stomach rumble since he hadn’t eaten, and decided to make himself some dinner, despite it being almost four am. The house was quiet, the only noises being his footsteps as he headed downstairs towards the kitchen. He figured Dream must have gone to sleep since all the lights were off and he didn’t hear his friend’s loud voice and tea-kettle laugh from upstairs.

Something about being alone was somewhat calming to Sapnap. He thought that maybe this wasn’t that bad, and when he inevitably ruined all his friendships when revealing his extremely strong feelings to Karl, he might be okay by himself.

Although in reality, he knew that was bullshit, and he would lose all happiness in his life if things got weird with him and Karl. He was sure if his friends had to choose between him and Karl, they would choose Karl. Sapnap knew he couldn’t get upset about that because he knew that these terrible, lethal feelings he had for Karl were all his fault. Karl had done nothing wrong and he didn’t deserve to lose all of his friends as a result of Sapnap’s mistakes. Sapnap decided that when Karl would reject him, he would be the one to let go, to step back. Maybe he could go back to Texas, move back in with his family, perhaps? He hadn’t seen them in a while, and although it was a depressing thought, Sapnap thought maybe it would be for the best.

He knew he didn’t even deserve his friends. They were always so sweet and amazing and here he was, about to ruin his relationship with one of them and cause them pain when they had done nothing wrong. Unknowingly, Sapnap slipped into dark thoughts, which he tried desperately to push away. He tried to convince himself that feelings were not such a terrible thing, since many people had them. That maybe it wasn’t his fault. He carefully removed two slices of bread from his pantry and grabbed some peanut butter. He shivered in the cold, dark house as he made the sandwich, petrified of what would happen when he no longer had anything to distract him with. He worried his thoughts would swallow him whole.

When Sapnap finished eating, he tried as hard as he could to fall asleep again, not wanting a second alone with his thoughts. And although he was able to fall asleep, his dreams that night weren’t kind to him, either.

_Sapnap was at the airport. He wasn’t sure how he got there, and the second he looked around him he knew something was terribly wrong. The problem was, he wasn’t exactly sure what. The airport was extremely empty, which was unusual for a Florida airport. And although that was a little strange, that wasn’t the problem. Sapnap got an uneasy feeling just being there, and as he walked through the massive airport, he still saw no one._

_Sapnap noticed how some of the lights were slightly flickering, but the weather outside was horrendous, so he didn’t give it a thought at first._

_Suddenly all the lights turned off._

_The rain and wind stilled._

_The silence was terrifying for Sapnap as he walked quietly. He started to pick up the pace, searching hopelessly for an exit from this strange place. However, in the place the exits used to be were now just dark hallways, with nothing at the end. Just dull, blank space._

_Sapnap had no idea how he had gotten there and couldn’t seem to access anything in his brain that could help him get out of here. He just had an uncomfortable feeling that his friends were here, and he had to help them. He knew that was ridiculous, Dream was nowhere nearby and actually, nobody was nearby, so he couldn’t be here to pick up his friends. However, he had no idea why he would be here if not for them._

_He turned multiple hallways, and at the end of them was still just blank space, no sign of an exit or any person that could help him. Sapnap had a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach and kept feeling wind on his back, even though no windows were open and nobody was nearby._

_Sapnap’s brisk walk turned into a run as he cautiously looked around for any form of help. He still found nothing. His heart was beating painfully fast in his chest as he ran, and suddenly he ran into a large corridor. At first, he figured it was just more passageways with strange empty spaces at the end, but as he stared down the main hallway, he felt pressure on his shoulder that felt like someone’s hand._

_Terrified, Sapnap whipped around to see nothing except the empty stores behind the corridor. He placed a shaking hand on his chest in a pathetic attempt to slow his raging heartbeat. Slowly he turned back around to the corridor and that’s when he saw it._

_There was something that wasn’t there before, a chair, with something indiscernible tied to it loosely._

_And that’s when he smelled it._

_The undeniable stench,_

_Of fresh blood._

_Coming from the end of the dark corridor, leaking from whatever the thing on the chair was._

_Sapnap really, really didn’t want to investigate the stench. He simply wanted to run in the other direction, screaming for someone, anyone to help him get out of this hell._

_But for some reason, his feet keep walking towards the indistinguishable thing. No matter how hard he tried to get himself to stop walking, he couldn’t stop. It was like someone or something else was controlling him._

_He still couldn’t make out any details about what the thing was, even as he got closer to it. There was only a tiny amount of light shining on the chair, which made it impossible for Sapnap to see anything without coming closer._

_He was terrified, to say the least. But he tried to tell himself it would be okay, that he would find a way out. That maybe it was just a very, very elaborate prank his friends were pulling. He thought of Dream popping out from behind a corner after he got spooked and laughing at Sapnap being so scared. The thought was reassuring to Sapnap, and he called out to his friends, sure that he was correct and this was all just a big joke._

_“Hey! Guys! I know this is a joke,” he called out to them, turning away from the dark corridor for a second, “Very funny, I almost believed you. You can come out now.”_

_He received no response._

_“Guys, come on! The joke has already been made. You scared me, haha, you won. Please just stop now,” Sapnap managed out, getting more worried and scared by the moment._

_No response._

_“GUYS, PLEASE!” he practically begged._

_Still, he received no response._

_Sapnap pulled himself down to the floor, sitting on his knees with his head in his hands, with his back to the dark corridor. He was unsure of what to do. He desperately didn’t want to check on whatever was at the end of that hallway. Right as he was about to get up and run in the opposite direction from the corridor, he heard a disturbing sound._

_Drip_

_Drip_

_Drip_

_Drip._

_Sapnap whipped his head towards the sound, petrified of what he would see. Before he could even see it, he knew it was the blood. Sapnap quietly crept down the corridor, begging the universe for what he thought was true to not be. He didn’t want to be a witness to a human’s death, and he knew being the only person here would make him look extremely guilty._

_Sapnap was not good with blood. He was pretty squeamish, but he knew he needed to see if it was true. And if there was some way to save the bleeding thing. He picked up a run as he drew closer to the chair, still unable to properly see. The corridor seemed to stretch on for ages, much longer than Sapnap had previously thought. Sapnap felt like his heart was going to collapse from the speed of its beats while he desperately ran._

_And then Sapnap saw something that would haunt him for the rest of his life._

_A body with a knife in it, tied to a chair, blood gushing out onto the soft velvet carpet surrounding the chair._

_But not just any body._

_Karl’s limp, lifeless body._

_And on the wall there was a message:_

_YOU DID THIS._

_By the way it dripped, Sapnap knew it was written with Karl’s blood._

_Sapnap opened his mouth to scream but no sound could come out. He could no longer speak as he desperately tried to stop Karl’s bleeding._

_But it was too late._

_He was too late._

_And now Karl was dead._

_Tears dripped furiously from Sapnap’s terrified eyes._

_“He took his own life, you know,” a figure said cockily from behind him. Sapnap didn’t even have to turn around to know who it belonged to. Dream._

_He tried to respond, but still, no sound would come from his mouth. Still holding Karl’s lifeless body in his arms in a hopeless attempt to save him, he heard another voice from behind._

_“I’m sure you saw the sign. He wrote it himself, you know,” the figure grinned. Sapnap knew that this voice belonged to George, but he was too scared to turn around and see it for himself._

_Sapnap shook his head quickly and the tears welling in his eyes splashed all over the floor. No. It couldn’t be true. He couldn’t have caused Karl’s death. He hadn’t even told him about his feelings yet._

_Seemingly reading his mind, BadBoyHalo’ s voice stated creepily “He knew. It was so obvious. And he was too nervous to say no. He didn’t want you to take all his friends when it got too hard for you guys to be around each other. So he sacrificed himself, so we wouldn’t have to choose. And now he wants you to know that it is completely your fault.”_

_Sapnap was completely powerless, as he couldn’t save Karl or say anything to his taunting friends. The only thing he could do was shake his head, telling himself, begging it wasn’t true._

_He suddenly felt large hands grab him and pin him against a wall._

_“You didn’t think we were going to just let you get away with this, did you? Who do you think you are?” the person holding him against the wall questioned angrily. Sapnap quickly recognized the voice as Wilbur’s._

_Sapnap struggled against Wilbur, but Wilbur was much larger and stronger than him and Sapnap felt powerless in Wilbur’s grip. He was powerless._

_Especially when Quackity entered with the sharpest knife Sapnap had ever seen._

_Sapnap’s eyes got wide and once again, he tried to get away from them, but Wilbur held him too tight._

_“We were dating, you know. Before he did this. BEFORE YOU CAUSED HIM TO DO THIS. BEFORE YOU LED HIM TO SUICIDE!” Quackity screamed, looking at Sapnap and twirling his knife._

_Sapnap was shocked. Maybe this was his fault. Maybe he had been too obvious. Maybe this was his fault._

_“And now you will pay,” Quackity practically cackled, “You stupid motherfucker. All you think about is yourself. The world will be better without you,”._

_And with that, Sapnap felt the sharp pain of the knife entering him, and then everything went dark._

_-_

Sapnap awoke from his personal hell, sure at this point, he had hit rock bottom. Not only did he feel extremely horny and desperate, but also guilty for feeling that way. He leaped out of bed and grabbed his phone. Unaware of what exactly he was doing, he dialed a number he had memorized in his mind and waited for the other line to pick up.

He didn’t.

Sapnap ran down the stairs, screaming Dream’s name. He was terrified that maybe some part of his nightmare was real, and Karl really wasn’t okay. He hadn’t answered his phone, and Sapnap knew Karl always answered his calls right away. They had made many jokes about how fast Karl answered his calls. Sapnap was hyperventilating until he finally saw Dream sitting at their kitchen table and rushed over to him, stopping to catch his breath.

Dream stared at him and then smiled “Sap! Glad you’re awake, I have something to-”

Sapnap interrupted, practically yelling, “Have you heard from Karl? He hasn’t answered any of my calls and he never does that. Is he okay? Do you know? Dream?”

“Sapnap, I'm right here,” Karl smiled as he stepped into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted them to meet at the end of this chapter, which is why it ended up taking so long to write this haha. Please let me know storylines you would like to see or really any feedback. I'm a pretty interactive author and I love reading the comments and hearing your thoughts. I might be slow to upload the next chapter since it is finals week for me, but it won't take longer than a week. Love y'all, thanks so much for 650 reads! <3


	4. Real Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap and Karl meet in person and Sapnap worries about being alone with him and accidently revealing his feelings. However, Sapnap soon realizes something about Karl as well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reads! My god, that is crazy! Also, so sorry for how long it took to update. Next week my finals will be over, and I can have a better upload schedule. Anyway, enjoy!

“Karl?” Sapnap stuttered out, full of confusion. He was _sure_ he hadn’t been asleep for over two days. Right?

“Hey!” Karl must have noticed Sapnap's look of utter confusion, as he giggled at Sapnap’s stunned face. “I found an earlier flight, and well…I really wanted to see you guys….so I changed my flight!”

_He really wanted to see me?_ Sapnap thought, a grin appearing on his face.

However, he was pulled from his fantasies when Dream replied to Karl “We were so excited to see you too! I'm glad you got an earlier flight!”

_Okay, well not just me then_ , Sapnap thought as he frowned.

Karl went over to hug Dream, and then proceeded to walk towards Sapnap with his arms outstretched. Sapnap could not even put into words how much he wanted that and _this_ in general, but he was so nervous about blurting something about his feelings out in front of Dream that he could only just stand there while Karl hugged him.

Karl noticed Sapnap’s hesitance and gently asked “Sapnap, are you alright? You seem upset-”, he trailed off, sending his gaze downwards. Suddenly he pulled his head up again and looked up at Sapnap with sad eyes. “Did you not want me to come so soon? Do you regret asking me to come?” he said, tugging on his hoodie strings as he talked.

All Sapnap wanted to say was no, of course not. That was the problem, just how much he wanted to see Karl. But he had wanted a few days. To try to get these feelings under control. Because he worried the severity of the feelings would be petrifying to Karl, and rightfully so.

“NO, No, no of course not. I'm so happy you’re here,” Sapnap quickly replied, careful not to put too much emphasize on the _love_ part of that sentence. Sapnap wanted to scream by the way he had to overthink little things like this. He never used to. _These goddamn feelings are going to ruin my life_ , he thought.

Karl’s face immediately broke into a smile at Sapnap’s kind words. “Oh, okay good. Sorry for even saying that, it’s just…you sort of scared me,” he broke into a small giggle, wrapping his arms around Sapnap. This time Sapnap hugged him back and felt all of his feelings rush to the surface. Karl gingerly pulled back, and Dream offered to give Karl the tour of their house, as well as his and Sapnap’s room. Karl agreed happily and Dream led him up the stairs, telling him about the rooms as they went.

The rooms.

Fuck.

That was another problem. Sapnap and Dream didn’t have many spare rooms for their friends. They had one guest room that would fit only a few people at most. So he and Dream had decided that one of their friends could stay on another mattress in Sapnap’s room, since his room had more free space. Sapnap had agreed, not really thinking about what agreeing would mean. He regretted that now.

Clearly the other room was the better choice as there was much more space. And so when Dream had asked Karl where he wanted to say and Karl said he didn’t care, Dream had told him he could stay in Sapnap’s room. Everyone else had had a clear preference for the other room, so it seemed like a no-brainer. But Sapnap wasn’t sure he could even do that. He was nervous talking to Karl on the phone, or interacting with him in _Minecraft_ , how would he be able to sleep right near him without confessing and ruining everything?

_No,_ he told himself, You will _have_ to tell him eventually when he’s here, and until then, you can keep it together.

Sapnap sighed and headed upstairs with his friends. Karl had an enormous smile on his face as Dream led him through their house, a child-like wonder in his eyes.

Sapnap paused at the top of the stairs and pulled out his phone, quickly sending a text to Quackity.

_You’re still coming to Florida, right?_

Quackity responded right away:

_Yeah, of course why do you ask._

_Oh, no reason just Karl already arrived and I thought your guys’ flights were supposed to arrive at about the same time._

Honestly, the idea of it just being him, Dream, and Karl seemed doomed to fail. He knew he needed his other friends to be able to…well…function. He could barely speak to Karl without thoughts of hugging him or kissing him so hard he would bring Karl to his knees.

_I told Dream yesterday the rest of our planes aren’t coming until tomorrow. Karl’s just got pushed to earlier. Didn’t you know that?_

Dream hadn’t told Sapnap anything about it, but he could hardly blame him. The last time they had been together Sapnap was crying and then took an extremely long nap, giving him almost no time for the news anyway.

Sapnap responded with a simple _oh_ to Quackity, and quickly turned off his phone. He then headed into his own room, sighing as he walked. He would be okay alone with Karl for a day, right? Dream was sure to be no help, as he had other plans for streaming later tonight, but Sapnap told himself that he could spend alone time with Karl without any other people. He used to all the time, before all of these feelings. Sapnap decided to come up with a plan. He could spend a few minutes gathering his thoughts, and then he would ask Karl if he wanted to watch a movie. That way, they didn’t have to talk, but Sapnap could get used to being near him without scaring him. Sapnap walked through his doorway, ready to just sit and think for a bit-

“Hey!” Karl said cheerily, interrupting Sapnap’s train of thought. Karl was wearing an adorable, oversized sweater and sweatpants, his face full of joy and his hair tousled. Sapnap looked in awe at the man in front of him, someone he believed was too beautiful to be real. Someone so beautiful Sapnap was sure he wouldn’t have feelings for someone like Sapnap. No, he was too perfect for anyone.

Noticing Sapnap’s stare, Karl gave him a puzzled glance back, which quickly took Sapnap out of his trance.

“Oh..sorry Karl, must have tuned out,” he mumbled quietly.

“It’s okay! I was just going to ask you where I should put my stuff, y’know…now that we’re roomies,” Karl responded shyly with a giggle.

“Wherever, honestly. I’m just so glad you’re here,” Sapnap breathed, quickly cursing himself for saying those words. He hoped Karl wasn’t confused.

Karl didn’t seem to think it was weird in the slightest, as he just smiled and replied, “I’m glad to be here, too. And I'm excited for everyone else to come and see this place as well. This is a nice house!” Karl then broke into a happy giggle, which Sapnap reciprocated dryly.

In truth, Sapnap had momentarily forgotten all about his other friends coming, despite having just talked to Quackity about it a few minutes prior. But it was obvious to Sapnap just how smitten he was with Karl when he saw him for the first time in person. Sapnap literally saw an angel in front of him as Karl started to move his stuff into Sapnap’s room. Sapnap knew he was not deserving of such a person, but he still hoped that somehow, someway, Karl had some sort of feelings as well. Even though he knew how ridiculous that sounded.

Sapnap and Karl chatted for a few more minutes while Karl unpacked and the two set up his blow-up bed. While they were blowing up the bed, Sapnap’s hand slightly brushed against Karl’s and Sapnap felt a heat engulf his whole body. He quickly pulled away, embarrassed, but his body longed for the warmth again. To just be _close_ to Karl. To touch him, to feel his warm body against Sapnap’s.

Sapnap blushed at just the thought, which Karl noticed immediately.

“You okay? Nervous for all of our friends to see what a mess your living space is?” Karl teased, waving his hand at the piles of random things all over Sapnap’s untidy bedroom.

“No, just thinking about…….streaming,” he lied very unconvincingly. Karl giggled again, and the butterflies in Sapnap’s stomach went insane. He loved hearing Karl’s laugh. Every sound Karl made was just so _beautiful._ He wondered if what Karl would sound like when he… _screamed_ in a more intimate scenario-

Sapnap quickly shook the thought away, desperate to not have any more sexual thoughts about Karl. Sapnap was terrified of making Karl uncomfortable without even realizing it, and he didn’t in any way want to make this weird for Karl. Just because he was suffering doesn’t mean Karl had to as well.

Sapnap told Karl about his idea to watch a movie, and Karl quickly agreed. They decided to watch a horror movie and decided to head downstairs to watch.

However, when they were leaving Sapnap’s room, he saw Karl pause and stare at something in his room with a horrified expression. Sapnap turned back to Karl and looked at what Karl was gaping at. It was a stuffed animal, a monkey that his mom had given him when he was little. He had kept it as a memento to his childhood, although Dream had teased him relentlessly about still having a stuffed animal. It brought him comfort, the memories of an earlier and simpler time.

“Oh! Yeah, that’s just a stuffed animal…from when I was _young,_ ” he said, emphasizing the last word, now feeling embarrassed about it.

Karl was still just staring at the stuffed animal with horror in his eyes. Sapnap was puzzled as to why, since he knew it was childish, but Karl looked…almost… _scared_ of the stuffed monkey.

“Karl?” Sapnap questioned in a worried tone.

Karl turned to him with panic in his eyes, but when he saw the worried expression on Sapnap’s face he quickly turned away from the stuffed animal and forced a smile.

“Yeah…fine,” he replied dryly, still looking shaken up. Sapnap knew this was bullshit but didn’t want to press Karl.

The pair watched the movie in silence, although Sapnap’s eyes kept flickering over to an uncomfortable Karl. Sapnap knew something had spooked him about that stuffed animal, but what? Why was it triggering him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you can't already tell, the next chapter is going to be from Karl's perspective, and will be talking about his past and I'm really excited about it. And I promise I won't make you wait as long for the next chapter hahaha. Anyway, please leave any feedback/criticism or thoughts in general, I love hearing what y'all think. :) <3


	5. Monkey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl reflects on what just happened. He is swept into memories from his past that he never, ever wanted to think about again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I have quite a few notes for you here, so I ask that you read them before you read the chapter.  
> Number 1, this is quite a triggering chapter. I wanted to write Karl a bad past because I thought it would explain his behavior in some other later parts of the story. So I want to put a trigger warning for child rape, and I ask that if this is something that triggers you please don't read it. It is not detailed at all because I didn't feel comfortable writing details, anyway. I don't enjoy writing non-con scenes, but I thought it was necessary for Karl's character here. It's important to note that this is purely fiction, and just something I came up with for this character. This is NOT based on anything real. If you know you will get triggered, please don't read the part in italics. Go to the end notes and I will have a brief summary there where I will explain quickly what you missed, as to not trigger anyone.  
> On to another happier note, I am done with finals! Yay! I'll have a much better upload schedule since my finals are done. I am also sorry for how long this took to publish, I actually finished it four days ago but deleted most of it because it didn't fit my high standards hahaha. Anyway, just rewrote it and wanted to get it out there as soon as possible! So enjoy! Love you all <3

**TRIGGER WARNING: CHILD RAPE**

Despite the supposedly blood-curling screams from the horror movie on the television, Karl stayed wrapped in his own thoughts. How would he explain what just happened? Karl knew, of course. Why this was so triggering to him. Why his entire body ran cold the minute he saw even a glimpse of that goddamn stuffed animal.

Karl felt his eyes fill with tears silently. Karl tried desperately to push them but was unsuccessful. He’s been running from his memories for years, able to push away the feelings of anger and resentment from his youth. But every so often, he would be reminded by some everyday thing. And he would try desperately to drone it out with alcohol, until days later, it just started to feel numb again.

Karl wasn’t a big drinker. But sometimes he just couldn’t help it. Because if he didn’t, if he let himself be _aware_ during these dark times, he would fall into an endless circle of blaming himself. Blaming himself for being too trusting, for not speaking up for. For letting it affect him even years later. Drowning his thoughts with alcohol was his solution.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t an option right now.

Karl quickly rubbed away his tears, disguising it by pretending something was in his eye. He felt Sapnap’s eyes on him and quickly turned away to hide his tears. He saw Sapnap’s glance soften in the corner of his eye.

“Karl, are you alright?” Sapnap asked, voice full of concern for his friend.

Karl wanted so badly to just curl up in his friend’s arms and cry. To tell him what had happened. To make sure he wasn’t alone tonight. So he wouldn’t try to drown out his feelings today. But he couldn’t. Sapnap wouldn’t _get_ it. He would just view Karl as a victim, and it would change everything. Karl never wanted pity from anyone, especially not from his best friend.

So Karl bit back the urge to let all his surfaced feelings spill out. What would Sapnap even say? He thought. It’s not like he could do anything to help anyway. Karl just needed to hold it together for a bit. He couldn’t cry here. Not without explaining.

Karl focused on his breathing and his stomach going up and down, and soon the tears on his face dried. He was glad he wasn’t wearing eyeliner today, as makeup would have been streaming down his face by now.

Eventually the movie ended and Karl still hadn’t said a word to Sapnap. He didn’t think he could talk even if he tried. He just needed to have Sapnap go to sleep. Then he could break down.

Sapnap clearly noticed that Karl didn’t want to talk, and just smiled sadly in Karl’s direction.

“If you ever want to talk, I'm here. You know that, right?” he gently asked, nonetheless. Karl wondered if his sadness was really that obvious. He figured probably; he wasn’t great at hiding his emotions. Karl could only muster out a nod in response to Sapnap and Sapnap just looked at him carefully. Karl wondered what he thought was going on right now. He wondered if it was cruel to leave him in the dark like this. But no, Karl knew that he would break down and he couldn’t force his problems on Sapnap.

Sapnap seemed to sense Karl’s hesitation to tell him what was going on since he suddenly spoke again. “I’m going to sleep, Karl. I’ll see you in the morning?”

Karl nodded again, and Sapnap stood there for a moment before running to Karl and giving him a hug. Karl’s entire body wanted this so, so much. All Karl wanted to do was stay there forever. He stayed there, in Sapnap’s arms for a few moments. It felt safe. It felt like home.

Sapnap then pulled away gingerly and ruffled Karl’s hair. “I’m always here for you, if you need me,” he softly responded.

Karl could just nod again, and he watched as Sapnap carefully walked upstairs, turning back to look at Karl every few steps.

The moment he was gone and Karl heard the sound of the door shutting he broke down and let himself relive the memories that ruined his life.

_It was late one night. Karl had just finished doing his kindergarten schoolwork and was watching cartoons on his family’s television. Karl’s parents were both working late, again, and it was just Karl and his nanny. After his mother’s promotion a few weeks earlier, Karl’s parents had decided that they wanted to get a nanny since Karl would be by himself practically all the time if they didn’t. After all, he was only five at the time. Karl hadn’t really had many interactions with his new nanny. Karl noticed how she sometimes looked at him with a strange expression on her face, or how she would sometimes say strange things to him. Karl didn’t think anything of it, of course. He was just a child. A child who looked up to the adults in his life._

_On this particular night, Karl was sitting on his parents’ blue fluffy carpet, thinking about his day at school. No matter how hard Karl tried, he couldn’t understand what was going on at school. He didn’t know anything about addition, subtracting, reading or really anything else. Any time Karl was called on by his teacher, he would just sit and cry until she eventually called on someone else. Karl didn’t see the point of school. He loved his family and his life, and he never wanted to leave it behind. His parents repeatedly told him that school was so important because in the future he would go to college and needed good grades to get there. Karl had promised them that he would never leave them, since he didn’t want to do any more school than absolutely necessary. Karl often imagined a future where he could just stay at home and watch cartoons all day. Cartoons were Karl’s escape from school and they were his happy place. They were what Karl decided he would do when he was older. Any time his parents would bring up the importance of school in getting a good job, Karl told them that he would just watch television all day for his job. His mom had laughed and kissed his head, but Karl didn’t get the joke. It seemed like a great option to him._

_His parents had told his nanny that she would need to try to get him more excited about doing his schoolwork, but Karl couldn’t even if he tried._

_Karl looked back to his cartoons. He hadn’t seen the show before, but it intrigued him. He had always like animals, after all. His little soft brown curls bounced atop his head as he excitedly watched the television with delight in his eyes. Karl placed one of his little hands underneath his bottom to try and warm it. It was always cold in winter, and he didn’t feel like getting a blanket from upstairs. His tiny fingers on his other hand had dragged over a sticky, stained part of the carpet where he had spilled apple juice. The once golden-looking liquid had left dark brown stains, which heavily contrasted the blue of the carpet. He remembered how his mother had just groaned and tried desperately to get the stain out of the expensive carpet but had been unsuccessful. She had been upset, but she knew he was just a small child and barely knew any better. But Karl had been banned from having any kind of sticky beverage over by the carpet after the incident._

_Karl had continued watching the episode of Curious George and had been giggling over all the silly things the little monkey did. He wore a bright yellow outfit, complete with a bucket hat and rain boots. He had a large smile on his face, and Karl couldn’t help but smile alongside the animal. He gingerly lifted his hand from under his bottom and placed both his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He let himself imagine a reality where he lived like this monkey. Getting into trouble all the time, never getting punished for it. It seemed like the ideal life to young Karl. He had really never had anything go really **wrong** in his life. After all, he was only five. Karl had minor inconveniences here and there, but in general he lived pretty luxuriously, especially for such a young child. But alas, Karl remembers this day for a reason._

_Another hour had passed, with the only noise in his house behind the consistent dialogue between the monkey and his owner on screen. Karl had gotten slightly bored, as his attention span wasn’t very high, and had begun picking at small pieces of lint on his shirt. It was blue and white with thick horizontally stripes on it. It was Karl’s favorite shirt, even though at this point it had all kinds of food stains on it, as well as paint stains and marker stains. But whenever his mother or father tried throwing it out, Karl would throw a temper tantrum, and eventually his parents just gave up and let him keep it. After all, who really cared if such a young child looked slightly messy? Turning his attention back, Karl noticed how long it had been since he had seen his nanny. Karl knew that she was here with him, but he hadn’t seen her in over two hours, despite her entire job being solely to look after him._

_Maybe if Karl had been older he would have been able to identify the problems before it happened. He would be able to spare himself from the remembrance of the most painful thing in his life, wiped from his memory carefully with cheap alcohol. Something that would only be remembered when he saw the triggering things. To anybody else, the thing was a stuffed monkey. To Karl it was the day that his chastity was ripped from him and never ever discussed again. Until Karl himself remembered it again._

_Karl barely noticed the time when his nanny came from upstairs with her phone in her hand. Karl paid her no attention and watched in silence. He let the soft glow of the television lure him in and bring him into a world of imagination and purity. He imagined that would be what life was like as an adult. No worries, no problems, just having fun all the time. If only Karl knew that the events of that day would be the ones to take away his perfect innocence._

_She sat next to him. Or, more like behind him. She pulled the small child up into her lap, earning her a glare from Karl. She paid no attention to it and started stroking his hair softly. Karl was uncomfortable. He barely knew this person, and he just wanted to sit and watch his cartoons. But, he remembered his parents had told him to listen to his nanny, and so Karl decided to just stay. He turned his attention back to the television, where the monkey was currently talking to a women in a grocery store._

_He was still focused on the television when he felt a hand on his knee. Karl paid no attention to it and continued to watch. Karl was confused when he felt her hand rubbing up and down his leg. His parents never showed him affection like this. But Karl remembered they had told him to be good. So he just sat there._

_Karl sat there while she started to really **touch** him in ways he didn’t enjoy, and started removing his small, stained clothes. Karl didn’t even understand what was happening. Tears welled in his eyes as he struggled to remove himself from her grasp. He didn’t like the feeling. He didn’t like this and he didn’t understand what she was doing. _

_But she just keep going, tightening her grip on the small boy. Karl was much weaker than her because of his age, so he was powerless. Karl tried desperately to push her away from him as she continued to get closer to him, starting to remove her jacket and pants. Karl started to weep as she started. His sobs only got louder as **it** progressed. He tried pathetically to focus on the television, worried his parents would be upset if he fought back anymore. They were the ones that had told him to listen to her, after all. When her body came into full contact with Karl’s much smaller frame, he let out a scream, asking to just please make it stop. _

_His nanny clapped a hand over his mouth. “If you stop protesting, it will be over sooner,” she growled back at him, continuing much harder now. Karl didn’t know what to do. His simply let his body go numb and his eyes focus on the scene in front of him. The monkey was smiling and giggling, what Karl had been doing just minutes before._

_Karl just sobbed in pain, confusion, and anger. He was utterly powerless and just wanted this to stop. Karl wouldn’t even realize what had happened until years later. But he would forever remember the day his purity and virginity were painfully ripped from him while he just sat there. Staring at that stupid, grinning monkey._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary if you skipped the part in italics: Karl reflects on a time when he was a little boy in kindergarten and was watching Curious George (name is not related at all to anyone in the story, FYI) when he was inappropriately touched and had his innocence and virginity stolen from him by his nanny when he was young and didn't understand what was happening or why it was wrong. Hence the reason the monkey triggered him, it was the show he was watching when that horrible memory happened.
> 
> Anyway, thanks so much for reading! This was a really hard chapter for me to write for pretty obvious reasons, and I think this will be the most triggering/darkest chapter so there shouldn't be another chapter like this, and if there is, I'll let you know ahead of time. You can leave any sort of feedback or constructive criticism, or just say what you thought of this chapter! I always love hearing what y'all think. Also, we hit 10,000 words! Poggers!


	6. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap remains confused and unaware of what happened to Karl, and desperately wants to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for the late chapter, I keep rewriting certain paragraphs because I don't think they're good enough. But anyway, here it is now! This is a bit longer of a chapter, so grab a snack and some water and enjoy! Also, thank you guys all so much for 3000 reads, that is literally insane oh my god.

Sapnap wanted to help. He could tell that Karl wasn’t in the mood to talk, but Sapnap had no idea what was happening or if he had done anything wrong. He had thought they were just talking, but did Sapnap accidentally say something to make Karl upset? He couldn’t imagine that. It’s not like he had anything negative to say about Karl, anyway. Karl was just so _perfect_ ; he couldn’t insult him if he wanted to.

All Sapnap wanted to do was comfort him. Hold Karl until his tears were dry and he was freed from his suffering. But Karl clearly wanted space. And although that was the last thing that Sapnap wanted to do, he knew he needed to give his friend what he was asking for. No matter how hard it was for Sapnap.

_Not everything is about you,_ he kept reminding himself.

During the movie, Sapnap saw all of Karl’s tears. He saw the way he tried to hide them by pretending something was in his eye. Sapnap just so badly wanted to understand what had happened. He thought they had been having such a great time, and this appeared…seemingly out of nowhere.

Sapnap felt a pang of sadness in his heart when he decided he needed to leave Karl to his thoughts. Everything in his body wanted to sprint back to the boy and wrap him in an enormous hug and kiss every part of his body until his tears turned into screams of pleasure.

Fighting back the urge to scream himself, Sapnap couldn’t believe he was still thinking of doing _things_ to Karl at _this_ time. He was disgusted with it and himself.

As Sapnap trudged up the stairs away from Karl, he was unable to make it more than a few seconds without turning to glance back. He wanted to put his hands in Karl’s hair and put him on his lab. Have him explain to Sapnap exactly what was happening and how Sapnap could fix it. He knew he would do anything in his power to make Karl’s sadness go away.

Sapnap pushed thoughts of Karl from his head as he changed into sweats and pulled back his covers. He found himself laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling as if somehow it would show him how to fix all of Karl’s problems. Sapnap felt utterly powerless; unable to help the person that mattered most in the world. He felt his emotions rushing desperately to the surface and he threw his head into his hands, barely managing to do so before tears were spilling down his face and dripping onto his bedspread, but Sapnap couldn’t bring himself to care.

“ _Please_ just let me help him. I want nothing more than for him to be happy,” Sapnap cried out to no one in particular. He had never been a religious person, but today Sapnap was ready to try _anything_ to help his hurting friend.

Sapnap let himself sob for what felt like forever. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. He wasn’t simply crying about feeling useless when his friend was going through hell but was crying about the strength of his feelings for him. The idea that maybe his feelings would make Karl uncomfortable, the fear of rejection so strong he worried his entire life would change if he got rejected. Sapnap knew he could make Karl happy. He never wanted to make Karl uncomfortable, or try to make him feel something he just _didn’t_ , but Sapnap couldn’t bear to see Karl like this. He knew he could make Karl happy, if he would let him.

Sapnap suddenly turned and shakily got to his feet, using his bed posts to steady himself. He stumbled off his bed, just to collapse again on the floor. He got to his knees carefully and put his hands in a prayer position. Sapnap felt extremely silly doing so, as he always thought God was just bullshit. But Sapnap could maybe see where faith could come in handy. To feel like _maybe, just maybe_ , someone heard your thoughts and would make them come true. Sapnap knew in his heart that doing this wouldn’t do anything, but he was so desperate to do _anything_ for his friend that he put his beliefs aside and solely focused on the idea that _maybe_ this would help Karl. Or at the very least make Sapnap feel less useless.

Sapnap took a deep breath and folded his hands together in a position of prayer. He carefully closed his eyes and let himself shakily take a deep breath.

“Look,” he started quietly, feeling silly already, “I don’t do this type of thing normally. I don’t believe in whatever sky-god belief system this is, but look, I just want…someone to take away Karl’s pain. I…want to help, but he doesn’t seem to want me to. Karl is the best person I know in the entire world. He deserves everything, and any pain he has now or had in the past was undeserved. He wouldn’t hurt anyone. And…I love him. And while of course I wish he would have feelings for me…I can't make him feel something he doesn’t. And so if he truly doesn’t think of me as anything other than a friend…then I'm okay with that. All I want is for him to be happy…with or without me.”

Sapnap steadied himself and wiped the tears from his eyes as he continued “If anyone out there…is like listening…just take away Karl’s pain. Make him happy. If I had to choose, I would choose his happiness over mine. _Every time._ And tomorrow when our other friends come…I want him to be able to enjoy it. I want to take away whatever just happened tonight.”

Sapnap just felt stupid as he prayed, sure that what he was doing was absolute bullshit. Sapnap quickly mumbled an _amen_ to end his “prayer” and rose from his kneeling position. He grabbed his hair roughly with his hands and felt more wet tears drop onto the floor.

Sapnap felt anger coursing through his veins; not at Karl, but at himself. For the uncomfortable thoughts he had about Karl, for not being able to help him at his worst, for just letting him cry by himself. Sapnap had just… left. Sapnap cursed at himself silently, red clouding his vision and judgement.

In a moment of pure anger and horrible judgement, Sapnap grabbed his cellphone and hurled it against his bedroom wall, getting some kind of satisfaction from the _crack_ it made when it hit the hard surface. Realizing what he had just done, Sapnap quickly ran to check if the phone was okay, shocked at what had just happened. Sapnap wasn’t usually one for impulses like _that_ and could barely comprehend what he had just done. Why had he done that? Those phones are so goddamn expensive. Sapnap quietly scanned his eyes over the phone’s surface, looking for cracks or marks on the expensive device. Sure enough, there was a huge split down the center of Sapnap’s phone from the impact of hitting the hard wall of his bedroom.

“Fuck!” Sapnap mumbled rather loudly, not really caring if anyone heard him anymore. He was sure if Dream was going to wake up he would have already woken up at the sound of Sapnap’s phone cracking. But alas, he heard no signs of movement from Dream’s room. The downstairs kitchen where Karl had been also turned silent, which was concerning to Sapnap as he hadn’t come to bed in Sapnap’s room, meaning he must still be downstairs. Sapnap worried that maybe he had scared an already-vulnerable Karl and cursed himself out angrily again, unsure of where to go from here.

Sapnap crawled carefully back into bed with a sigh, making mental plans to fix his phone in the next few days. He thought of what would happen tomorrow when Karl still surely wouldn’t want to talk. And all of their friends would be there…and Karl wouldn’t be okay. He would be weak and upset, and-

And that’s when Sapnap decided to make a decision. He wasn’t just going to _sit_ here while his friend was in pain and needed his help. And if Karl told him to go, he would. But he wanted to ask Karl if he had done anything wrong, and desperately tell him that if Sapnap could take away his pain, he would do it in a heartbeat, no matter the consequences. Sapnap pulled himself up and made himself start walking towards the door, ignoring his brain telling him to just give Karl space. If that’s what Karl needed he would do it. But he needed to tell Karl that he was always here for him and would do whatever he could to comfort him. Because friends don’t just let friends slip deeper and deeper into depression. No, they have to help each other, no matter how sappy that sounds.

Ignoring every one of his body’s cues to turn back around and go to sleep, Sapnap turned his doorknob and stepped into the hallway. He tried to calm his pounding heart as he walked towards the stairs, still hearing no noise coming from the rooms downstairs. He took several deep breaths in an attempt to prepare himself for the conversation he was about to have. Sapnap wasn’t a super emotional person and often felt lame having conversations about feelings, but here it seemed like the most important thing Sapnap would do in his life.

Sapnap pushed forward, walking quietly and carefully down the stairs towards the kitchen where he knew his friend was, upset and alone. Sapnap cringed when one of the stairs made a large creak sound, so terrified of waking Dream or scaring Karl. He still heard nothing, so he continued stepping slowly down the stirs when he finally reached the end and sighed in relief.

Sapnap slowly stepped towards the kitchen area, where he saw Karl asleep on the couch, tightly clutching a pillow, his face stained by tear marks. Sapnap could feel his heart shatter in his chest just by looking at Karl, his pain painted on his now-sleeping face.

The moonlight from the windows seeped into the room and cast a glow on Karl’s tear-stained face, making him look like angelic. Sapnap wanted to cry at just how painfully obvious his friend’s agony was. Sapnap wanted to show him some comfort, show him just how badly Sapnap wanted to help him with ridding himself of his suffering.

Carefully leaning closer to Karl, Sapnap was about to place a kiss on Karl’s forehead when he felt Karl jerk up and away from the touch. Sapnap could only gasp, confused on what had just happened. What was going on? Was Karl’s torment really all his fault? He didn’t think he had done _anything_ remotely triggering to Karl. He had given him a hug…and that was it. Sapnap mumbled a quick apology under his breath and quickly headed back towards the stairs, embarrassed and full of remorse about making the situation worse for his already-hurting friend.

Karl quickly rubbed his eyes and looked at the figure who had just touched him. The intense thumping of his heart in his chest ceased when he saw Sapnap walking away from him quickly. So it was Sapnap. Just Sapnap. _You’re safe,_ Karl told himself. _Sapnap was just trying to make you feel better._ He promised himself that that _situation_ which hadn’t left his mind in hours wouldn’t happen again. He was bigger now, and he knew he could protect himself. He could make sure he was never touched against his will again. Maybe he could just ask people not to touch him, tell them he wasn’t really one for physical touch. But Sapnap’s touch-

Well, that was a different story. He wanted that kiss on his forehead, he wanted his arms around him, he wanted his hands in his hair…he wanted to be _comforted_ by Sapnap.

“Wait, Sapnap! Come back!” Karl quietly managed out; afraid he had just made it seem as though he didn’t want to be touched by Sapnap. He wanted the help, the comfort, he wanted it all from Sapnap so fucking badly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-,” he started, cutting off his own sentence. “I’m sorry, I just thought you were someone…else. Please, I just…can you stay with me for…a bit?” Karl softly asked, seconds away from sobbing.

Upon hearing the words he had wanted to for the entire night, Sapnap was by his side in two long strides. Sapnap had wanted nothing more than to just engulf Karl in a hug full of comfort and love, and that’s exactly what he did. He hugged his friend with vigor, watching as Karl broke down in his arms. Sapnap just let him cry, stopping every few seconds to fluff Karl’s hair or tighten the hug as Karl continued to sob. Sapnap was sure not only Dream but any people in a ten mile radius heard Karl’s sobs, but Sapnap knew he couldn’t help it and just needed to let it all out.

Karl pushed himself to the floor, which in turn dragged Sapnap to the hard oak wood floors with Karl. Karl then turned to face Sapnap, tears still running done his face as he pulled himself into Sapnap’s lab and went limp against him. 

At this point silent tears had started running down Sapnap’s face as well, but for a much different reason. He wanted to help with Karl’s pain, but all he could do now was hold him. He couldn’t offer him much more comfort, at least not until Karl was ready to tell him exactly what had happened and instructed Sapnap on how to help him. He waited for several more minutes, letting Karl sob into his shirt, soaking it. But Sapnap didn’t give a shit about the shirt. All he was thinking about was Karl.

After several more minutes, the sobs halted, and Sapnap paused to glance at the mess of a man in his arms. He had fallen asleep, the same angelic glow back on his face as he features stilled from the position they had been in from his crying.

Despite Karl being taller than Sapnap, Sapnap could pick him up with ease since Sapnap was much larger weight-wise and was much more muscular than Karl. Sapnap took the sleeping angel in his arms and carefully tiptoed up the steps in an attempt to not wake Karl up. He opened his door quiet, still trying not to disturb the hurting person in his arms. He pulled back the covers on Karl’s blow-up bed and was about to place him on it when Karl stirred from his arms.

“Sapnap…I-…don’t want to be alone tonight,” he mumbled into Sapnap’s chest, looking embarrassed.

“I know, Karl. But don’t worry, my bed is right next to yours. I’ll be near you the whole time,” he responded soothingly.

“No, I-…don’t want to _sleep_ …alone tonight,” he whispered, causing Sapnap’s eyes to widen in shock.

“Oh!…of course Karl. Whatever you’d like,” he responded, trying not to let his excitement show through. It wasn’t just that he was finally sleeping in the same bed with his crush, no, it was more like Karl was finally letting him in. He would maybe be able to help mend Karl’s broken spirit.

“I mean, if it’s okay with you,” Karl quickly added.

“No, of course it’s okay with me! You just… _surprised_ me,” Sapnap told him gently.

Sapnap turned away from the blow-up mattress to look at his own bed, and carefully pulled the covers back there instead. He cautiously laid the boy down on one side of his bed, and pulled the covers around his body to snuggle him in. Sapnap then pulled back the covers on the other side of the bed and pulled himself into the bed for the night. He laid back and felt Karl’s body move to be against him. He wrapped his arms around Karl once more, giving him a small peck on the forehead before turning off the lights.

It felt amazing for Sapnap to just _be there_ for Karl today, without the strange sexual feelings, without the need to profess his love. To just be able to hug him and support him, well, to Sapnap it was the best feeling imaginable. To be able to hold him and comfort him without feeling the need to send him to his knees, well it was beautiful. And it made Sapnap feel like maybe, just maybe, his feelings were gone. They could go back to just being friends. Everything would be okay.

And with those happy thoughts in his head, Sapnap drifted to sleep next to Karl.

However, his dreams that night made it pretty clear the feelings were still there… and were still extremely prominent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, this is a bit of a lighter chapter than the last one and it was one of my favorites to write. Let me know if you have any thoughts in the comments, I always enjoy feedback so I can get better as a writer.


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